Why am I so utterly incapable of remembering things?
It happens every. single. year. I have these feelings/events that occur for each month/part of a season, but do I bother remembering any of them? Um, no. Excuse me? That would make way too much sense.
So when they happen I act all surprised and indulge in the novelty of it all until I realize how mundane I’m being. Then I laugh it off good-naturedly and move on to the next event I thoroughly forgot.
But not this year, friend! Oh no. This year I will be prepared. I am making a cheat sheet with a play-by-play of the year. This is important stuff. I’d tell you to take notes if I weren’t already doing it for you.
The Year’s Events
Early April- Bask in the lack of spectacular occurrences, and make up for it by putting this time as the first in your list.
Mid/Late April- Think the school year is almost over. Eat an extra-large bowl of popcorn when you realize your own denial. (Like, bigger than the usual bowl you eat when you realize something that made you upset. That’s an order.)
Mid May- I’m sorry. Kelly’s not here right now. If you need her, she’ll have her head in a book trying desperately not to fail the upcoming finals. She should resurface in no later than 3 weeks.
Late June- Finals= over. (WHY AM I DOING MATH IN SUMMER?!? Oh yeah. I haven’t realized it’s summer yet.) Still trying to wrap my head around this concept of being able to sleep ’til noon. Every day. I think I’ll have to test it out some more.
Late July- Wait. I’m halfway through summer? How? Maybe I should do something productive. I’ll get on that ASAP… starting tomorrow.
Mid August- Um, no. Tomorrow has not happened yet thankyouverymuch. I do not have to be productive yet.
Late August- Haha, just kidding. Actually I do. How is school starting in two days? Finals just ended yesterday… right?
Early September- Pardon me, what is this homework thing you speak of? (Side note: why do my watermelons taste so horrible?)
Late September- Oh. my. gosh. It’s fall! I love fall! Hot chocolate! Falling leaves (if I lived in a normal place)! Pumpkins! Temperatures <95F! Now I kind of want to put up Christmas decorations…
Mid October- I hear the weather is nice. I mean, I wouldn’t know because I’m too busy studying for the end of the quarter. (Hey, what year did the War of 1812 start? Wait. Got it. Never mind. Just let me finish this third cup of coffee. After the caffeine sets in, you won’t even notice the sleep I haven’t gotten. Totally. *twitch*)
Mid November- I’d love to talk, but I can’t. Literally, I can’t. My voice is gone, and I’m too busy not dying from this
cold very serious disease I caught from this darn fall season! Why did I ever think I liked it?!? The hot chocolate and the falling leaves and the pumpkins tricked me into it. Please bring summer back. Pwetty please? (Come on. I even stuck a w in pretty just so you know I mean business.)
Mid/Late December- Well, I just tacked a year onto my life (birthday cake time!), I left cookies and milk for Santa, and once we make it to my cousins’ house for the holidays, I get to consume copious amounts of my uncle’s famous fudge. Does someone want to go to the mall with me later to buy stretchy pants?
Early/ Mid January- Hey, I just got back from break and they’re trying to make me do work. I know, right? Don’t they know Christmas just ended? Grr. I should have eaten more fudge when I had the chance!
February/March- I am not okay with this. If it’s going to be freezing out, I at least want Christmas to look forward to. Now I’m just cold. But hey, I guess I wouldn’t mind some extra padding on me to help with that, so if you’d pass the fudge…
Early April- I now have extra padding on me. Bikini season is coming. Please help. Wait! I’ll just make healthy fudge instead!
So I am currently in the stage of not dying from a cold, but because I’m being so plan-y ahead-y, I get to eat fudge too!
And hey, it’s only in the holiday spirit to share, right?
Peanut Butter Fudge (Vegan/Gluten Free/Grain Free/Low Carb/Sugar Free/Low Fat/Low Calorie)
What could be easier than this? Forget using a candy thermometer, all you need to do for this recipe is stir, nuke, freeze, and eat! If you want a raw/microwave free version, you can add less liquid and/or chill the mixture until thickened before freezeing.
Makes 15-20 pieces
Serving size: 1 piece
Fat: 8 grams
The World’s Healthiest Peanut Butter Fudge
Serving size: 1 piece (1/15 of recipe)
Fat: <0.5 grams
1/4 cup peanut flour (Peanut butter might work in a pinch, but you’d probably have to use less almond milk.)
6 Tablespoons almond milk
sweetener, to taste (I used 1 packet of stevia.)
Combine peanut flour and almond milk and stir until thoroughly incorporated. Microwave for a minute and stir. Sweeten to taste, spread into a plastic container, freeze until solid, cut into pieces, and freeze once again until completely solid. I highly recommend letting the fudge thaw for a minute or two before enjoying!
Because you will enjoy. With a fudge this enjoyable, it’s nearly impossibly not to.