I like to consider myself a dieting veteran. I have tried endless approaches to what I put in my mouth, and I would like to report back on my experiences with eating a low calorie and fat diet.
1. You Will Have No Energy
I’m serious. You will walk around like a zombie version of your former self. People will ask what’s wrong with you. You will have bags under your eyes the length of depth of Death Valley. But don’t worry, it’s all good! You can use this as an excuse to nap all the time and take excessive time off from work/school/other important responsibities people count on you for.
2. Your Hair Will Hate You and Your Nails Will Stunt
For the entirety of my low fat dieting, my hair was oily floppy mess. My hair was constantly in danger of sogging itself to death., and I needed to take showers all. the. time. But on the plus side, I saved a lot of money on hair gel! If only I actually wore hair gel…
You can also take this as an opportunity to start wearing that wig you’ve always wanted to wear. Oh, and my nails started breaking like there was no tomorrow. They were so chipped and shattered that I had to be very careful when shaking people’s hands so I didn’t permanently leaves scars on their palms.
3. You’ll Feel Like You Are On a Hunger Strike
I so constantly felt like I was starving that at any given time, I probably could’ve eaten anything in sight just to relieve my ravenous appetite. I marveled at why, after eating such a huge plate of vegetables, I could feel to hungry so soon afterwards, Also, when you eat the lunch you packed at school/work, a conversation like this may ensue:
Random Coworker: That’s’ so cool! You’re like Angela Jolie.
You: Wow, you think I’m that pretty? Thanks!
Random Coworker: Well, I, um, I meant that you’re going on a hunger strike for some charity like Angela Jolie is doing.
You: Excuse me?
Random Coworker: You’re not on a hunger strike?
Random Coworker: Then why are you eating rabbit food?
4. You Will Come Off as the Fussiest Person to Have Picked Up a Fork
You cannot go out to eat with other people. Period. You will spend way too much scrutinizing the nutritional facts at a restaurant, but if they aren’t even available… forget it. You won’t eat there. Of course the people you’re eating with will be annoyed, but that’s life, right? If your friends won’t gracefully handle all of your unreasonable food tantrums, why spend time with them?
5. You’ll Become the Resident Pessimist
When you’re starving, exhausted, and have an oily pile of string on your head (I mean, uhh…hair), you probably aren’t going to see the glass as half full. Things start to look bleaker when you can’t think straight. You may start snapping at everyone around you for on apparent reason, but that’s totally okay! You aren’t eating out with your friends anymore, so you don’t see them anyway. If you don’t spend time with them, you can’t snap at them, and then they won’t find a new reason to be annoyed with you. Because, really, who actually wants to be sociable? There is a plate of steamed vegetables and a DVR full of Lifetime movies you’d rather spend your time with, anyway.
So there you have it folks: a recap of self-inflicted horror. Don’t do this to yourself, and don’t them the people around you do it to themselves, either. So do yourself a favor, willya? Eat some peanut butter. It’s not going to kill you. (Heck, it might actually taste good!)
I know I may sound hypocritical with all my low calorie and low fat recies, but there is much more to that story. I post luscious low calorie and fat recipes so you lovely people and I can keep out calorie and fat intakes in check, but not so we can starve ourselves. Eating low calorie and low fat foods does not mean deprivation, it just means you need to know how much you have to eat to get the nutrients you need (yay big portion sizes!). Plus, if you are anything like me, you appreciate being able to eat 10 delicious cookies for the same calorie value as one cookie. Sound good?
What is your opinion on low fat/calorie diets? Have you ever been on one? What has your experience been? I would love love love to hear your thoughts!