Healthy Pumpkin Bread

This is the only reason summer is allowed to be over.

Allow me to explain the magnitude of that statement. I am OKAY with relinquishing my break and accepting the fact that I now have to wake up at the crack of 6:30 and use words like magnitude and relinquish… all because of this pumpkin bread.

That does not mean getting up freakishly early and talking like a thesaurus is okay. (Let’s be clear, it is not.) It means that this pumpkin bread is flipping fantabulous. It also means that you need to make this pumpkin bread. Pronto. Like, five minutes ago.

So fall is indeed upon us my friends! It’s the most wonderful time of the year!

Besides Christmas of course. You can’t beat the whole hibernating for the winter thing. I do like to sleep. And if nature is telling us to sleep for three months, wake up to greet Santa, and then go back to sleep, who the heck am I to argue? No one. That’s who the heck who.

What is the fall equivalent of Santa? A squash? That doesn’t sound right. You’re 0 for 1, fall. Sorry. But for consolation, have a squash!

So far we’ve talked about squash, pumpkin bread, squash as a fall Santa, and waking up too darn early. I think we have our fall bases covered.

Remember by 1984 essay? George Orwell? Woo Big Brother is watching you? Big scary political Party? Remember not caring about it? Yeah me too. But my English teacher still wanted me to turn something in. Do you want to read my essay? Of course you don’t. Here it is!

Why do the Thought Police arrest Winston when they do?

The Thought Police arrest Winston when they do because he developed an actual, rational plan for the eventual destruction of the Party.  I am not entirely sure whether or not there is supposed to be context here, so I’ll give you some anyway. Please contain your excitement.  Well done.

The Party is super mean but they’re also super scary and Winston and pretty much everyone else is super afraid of them, and Winston has decided to rebel against them by saying the word super way too much because he’s a cool cat and the Party doesn’t like cool cats. I like this conversation. I need to put in some evidence and then we can continue.

“And could he be sure that when their time came, the world they constructed would be as alien to him, Winston Smith, as the world of the Party? Yes, because at the least it would be a world of sanity. Where there is equality there can be sanity” (226).

I didn’t even read that evidence. I sure hope I cited it correctly. I probably didn’t. Moving right along. This essay is actually supposed to be three pages long so I suppose we’re going to get to know each other rather well between now and then. This is only a page and a half page thus far. Wow. I’m off to go drink some coffee and play around with margin diminishing. I’ll be back soon.

Whee I’m back! And I have caffeine! This is really fun. You’re an excellent listener. We should do this more often. Why don’t we? Oh that’s right, I’m supposed to be writing an actual “analytical essay” right now. Whatever that means. Don’t you find this far more entertaining? Of course you do. You’re a very agreeable piece of paper. Time for another piece of evidence!

“{Out of those mighty loins a race of conscious beings must one day come. You were the dead; theirs was the future.} (?)  But you could share in that future if you kept alive the mind as they kept alive the body, and passed on the secret doctrine that two plus two make four” (227).

Okay so basically I’m going to prove that, even though Winston was being a rebel cool cat for a ridiculously long time, the Thought Police were way too busy with the government shutdown to do anything about it. But I’m not allowed to use that as the actual basis for my argument because

a) the only parts of the government that have actually shutdown are the museums and zoos (poor zebras and prehistoric zebra fossils) and the teaching of cursive in public schools (which apparently has been replaced with the teaching of the fallacy that shutdown is actually one word) and

b) this happened in 1984 and not 2013.

That’s right. I read the title of the book.

The real reason the Thought Police took their sweet time in arresting Winston is that, through all his years of cool catting, he never actually developed any legitimate hope. I personally believe this is because he was forced to drink this disgraceful substance called “victory coffee” and, as soon as his lady friend Julia bought him some real coffee on the black market, the hope just came flooding in.

I think we can all agree that Winston really should have figured out that the Thought Police could read his thoughts because, well, they’re the Thought Police. They’re an entire organization with proper government funding dedicated to sitting around and policing his thoughts. They were bound to have figured out the whole coffee/hope (redundant I know) thing eventually. I mean, they have an entire frightening coalition of frightening robot agent ninja people with frightening abilities of disguise (ahem Mr. Charrington, if that is your real name) complete with the frightening building and everything.

Don’t let the “no darkness” thing distract you. Just because the building is shiny doesn’t mean it’s all rainbows and unicorns in there. I know. But it’s so shiny! Calm thyself. It took me a minute to fully accept that too. Anyway they proceed to torture Winston for approximately 60 pages and then he lives unhappily ever after on “victory gin” (shudder) until he decides to love big brother.

I’m not even going to capitalize that. He stole our coffee! And our chocolate! This is completely unacceptable. And Winston decides to love him too at the end. I’m disgusted. I’m going to have to go drink some coffee and eat some chocolate because I’m allowed to and go lie down just to make the horror of this book go away.

It’s not your fault though. Actually, you’ve been lovely. I do hope we can do this again soon. My people will call your people and we’ll do lunch? Swell.

I need to wrap my essay up in a concise comprehensive package. I will do so now. In conclusion, the Thought Police arrest Winston when they do because Winston is caffeine deprived up until this point and, upon drinking some, has finally come to his senses and realized that there is hope in the world, but then the Thought Police decide they will have none of this and sic their ninjas on him and it was all downhill from there. The end. Just don’t blame the coffee.

Yield: 12 HUGE slices

Healthy Pumpkin Bread

10 minPrep Time:

45 minCook Time:

55 minTotal Time:

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Ingredients

• 1 ¾ cup white whole wheat flour OR 1 1/4 cup almond meal plus 6 Tablespoons coconut flour
• 1/4 cup erythritol OR cane sugar
• 1/4 cup brown sugar OR erythritol plus 1/4 teaspoon molasses
• 1 teaspoon baking powder
• 1/2 teaspoon baking soda
• 1/2 teaspoon salt
• 1 tablespoon ground cinnamon
• 3 eggs OR 1 ½ Tablespoons of Ener-g egg replacer stirred with 6 Tablespoons of water until thick
• 1 (15 ounce) can unsweetened pumpkin puree
• 2 teaspoons vanilla extract
• 1/4 cup unsweetened almond milk

Instructions

1. Preheat oven to 350°F. Generously grease or nonstick spray an 8x4 loaf pan and set aside.
2. In a large bowl, stir together the flour, sugar or erythritol, brown sugar or erythritol plus molasses, baking powder, baking soda, salt, and cinnamon. Add in the eggs or egg replacer, pumpkin puree, vanilla extract, and almond milk and stir until all the ingredients are incorporated and the batter is uniform. Scrape the batter into the prepared loaf pan and bake in the oven at 350°F for about 45 minutes, or until a toothpick inserted in the center comes out clean. Let cool before cutting into slices. Devour.

Notes

Nutritional information calculated with white whole wheat flour, erythritol, and egg replacer.

7.8.1.2

298

https://www.foodiefiasco.com/healthy-pumpkin-bread/

Nutrition

Calories

1239 cal

Fat

15 g

Carbs

275 g

Protein

60 g

Click Here For Full Nutrition, Exchanges, and My Plate Info

How do you enjoy fall?

I love making pumpkin bread, curling up with a sub-par book I’ve been forced to read, and then writing an anti analytical essay on it.