Have you ever had a big decision that wasn’t really yours?
It might greatly affect someone very close to you, or directly affect your life, yet the decision is not truly yours. You have a say in how it’ll go down, but it is not really your decision to make.
Why am I being so cryptic?
In case you don’t know, or haven’t read my about me page, my mom was diagnosed with stage 2 breast cancer in April, with a surgery in May. She started chemotherapy in early summer, and that nightmare ended in September.
Unfortunately, that doesn’t mean this is over.
Before my mom’s surgery, we were told she would undoubtedly need radiation.
But as time went on and more of her results came in, the doctors switched gears, and then she didn’t need radiation. Okay.
This seemed like good news because radiation therapy is 5 days a week, Monday through Friday, for 5-6 weeks. You are guaranteed to be tired, and other unpleasant side effects are likely. But she doesn’t need it.
What’s the problem?
I have sat with my mom, held her hand, and heard from half the doctors in the city. You know how you’re supposed to get a second opinion.
I think we’re on her ninth. Just for radiation.
Opinion #3 was the first one she didn’t like.
“You need radiation.”
“It increases survival.”
I was pretty sold after that. I want my mom to live.
And she wants to live, too.
But that’s not the only factor to her. She is a surgeon, and one of the likely side affects could prevent her form doing her job.
Radiation could negatively impact her quality of life. It is very unlikely, but she could also contract some other disease from radiation. It is likely she’ll be uncomfortable. It could even cause her some pain.
I don’t want that for her.
I do want her to live, though.
I want her to live more than anything.
However, it’s not fair to her for me to ask her to compromise her quality of life for me. For my peace of mind. For my wants.
This is not about me.
It is not fair for me to try to sway this in a way that suits me. That’s not right.
So when my mom asks my opinion, I will squeeze her hand and tell her I think she should do what she thinks is right.
I will politely give my opinion and reasoning if she asks for it,but if she doesn’t, I won’t.
It’s not my place.
So I’m sorry to drone on about my personal stuff, so to make up for it I’ve got donuts for you tomorrow.
Have you ever had a big decision that wasn’t really yours? Got any advice for me? Thanks, guys.