I like to think I’ve learned a few things over the years.
1. Do not, I repeat, DO NOT tell a teenage girl you’re not in love with One Direction and can’t name a single one of its members. I made this mistake once, and will not do so again. Learn from my mistakes, huh? Don’t do it. Just… don’t.
2. When a teenage girl comes up to you, expresses her irrevocable and undying love for One Direction and demands you do the same, say this magical phrase: “I am thrilled you have formulated a well-informed opinion on the subject.” This works rather well for other topics, too, such as politics, very short shorts, and Justin Bieber. Just because someone says something blasphemous doesn’t mean you can’t keep your cool.
3. Number 2 is not without its exceptions. If someone says he/she doesn’t like peanut butter, you have every right to lose your cool. Take your cool and chuck it out the window. Cool is not to be kept in this tragic emergency scenario.
4. Peanut butter is the answer to everything. EVERYTHING. Give me circumstances, and I will significantly improve said circumstances by adding peanut butter.
Circumstance #1: You’re in the middle of a math exam you feel AMAZING about and then you get a really scary problem you have no idea how to do.
Improved Circumstance #1: Draw a jar of peanut butter and say that you would’ve answered the problem, but you were distracted by the tantalizing jar of peanut butter staring at you. Your teacher will totally understand and give you an A++ for your outstanding efforts for being able to answer any questions on the test at all with the temptation of peanut butter present. If you have a human teacher, he/she will understand.
Circumstance #2: Your teacher doesn’t understand the all-consuming effect of peanut butter and is therefore a Martian. Your Martian teacher flunks you anyway.
Improved Circumstance #2: Eat peanut butter. You did just flunk a math test, but hey… at least you have peanut butter!
Circumstance: #3: Umm. YOUR MATH TEACHER IS A MARTIAN. What if he/she (do Martians have genders?!?!) get together his/her (?) Martian cronies and starts attacking your fellow math victims I mean classmates?
Improved Circumstance #3: Start chucking jars of peanut butter at the attacking Martians. (Extra points if you hit their UFO mother ship!) If they did’t appreciate the sheer amazingness of peanut butter to begin with, they are obviously highly afraid of it and will probably combust immediately if they come in contact with it.
Circumstance #4: You are now in a full-fledged extra terrestrial war with a Martian math teacher army and your only defense is a bunch of mathematically adept (and therefore probably athletically inept) freshman and an unexplained yet abundant supply of peanut butter jars.
Improved Circumstance #4: You start chucking the peanut butter at the Martians and, lo and behold, they do combust immediately! Not only did you win the war, you get eternal gloating rights because you just fended off an alien abduction, AND you won’t have math for the rest of the year. (You just blew up your math teacher with a jar of peanut butter, remember?) You and your freshman army celebrate with the leftover peanut butter and you all live happily ever after.
Circumstance #5: What you thought were the greatest brownies ever.
Improved Circumstance #6: You added peanut butter. And then your mind exploded.
5. Number 4 has no exceptions.
Healthy Peanut Butter Swirl Brownie (Vegan, Gluten Free, Grain Free, Sugar Free, Low Carb, Low Calorie, Low Fat)
Adapted from my Amazing Low Carb Brownies
Makes 16 brownies
Nutritional Comparison
Traditional Peanut Butter Brownies
Serving size: 1 brownie
Calories: 180
Fat: 9 grams fat
Carbs: 24 grams
vs.
Healthy Peanut Butter Swirl Brownies
Serving size: 1 brownie
Calories: 23
Fat: ~1.3
Carbs: v
Ingredients
3/4 cup granulated erythritol or xylitol
1/4 cup almond meal
1/2 cup cocoa powder (you can use carob if you want, or are doing the no chocolate thing)
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
3 Tablespoons of egg replacer mixed with 12 Tablespoons of water OR 4 egg whites
1/4 cup applesauce
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 Tablespoon Better N’ Peanut Butter
2 Tablespoons almond milk
Directions
Preheat oven to 350F.
Mix erythritol or xylitol, cocoa powder, almond meal, baking powder, and salt. Add in egg replacer mixture or egg whites, applesauce, and vanilla extract and stir until completely combined, which may take a few minutes. Make sure there are no pockets of cocoa powder. Spoon/pour batter into a greased or foil-lined 8X8 pan and set aside.
In a small bowl, combine Better N’ Peanut Butter and almond milk and microwave for one minute. Stir, microwave for 30 more seconds, and stir again. Pour this mixture over the brownie batter and swirl with a knife. Your swirls don’t have to be perfect!
Bake in the oven at 350F for 30-35 minutes, or until a toothpick comes out clean. Let cool slightly before slicing and eating. I think these are best served warm.
Just don’t eat the entire batch while hunched over then pan waiting for it to cool. I dare you.
Enjoy!
-Kelly M.
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{ 16 comments… read them below or add one }
Fact: there is no such thing as the holy trinity.
Only the holy duality (duo?) of chocolate and peanut butter. Amen.
All hail pb! They look amazingly good, num num num num!!!
These look amazing!!!!! You are brilliant!
Hahahah oh man, I loved that intro. I cracked up a few times. LOL YOUR TEACHER IS A MARTIAN! lol So random, but this is why you rock
And I don’t have to even comment on the brownies because you and I both know they look amazing and I will make them this week, I think, to prove it to myself as well. mmm
YOUR AMAZING. SERIOUSLY WHAT CANT U MAKE?! do you have any ideas for chia puddings or low cal/carb hot gluten free cereals?!
You are hilarious. I am so happy to find I’m not the only teenager in LA who A. is not infatuated with one direction, B.enjoys healthy treats, C. has an actual sense of humor, and D. would instinctively turn to peanut butter in any crisis from math tests to scary teenage girls with eyeliner and an attitude(read:ALL OF THEM)
Great recipe, can’t wait to try it!!!
Haha the One Direction obsession has gone too far! Full grown women are throwing themselves at them. It’s embarrassing.
On the other hand, these brownies look gooood.
I’m so with you PB rules…. and add chocolate and the fact that these are only 23 calories. You are a genius!!
These look awesome! Can I sub equal amounts of granulated sugar for the erythritol or xylitol? I can’t have those sweeteners.
Thanks for the question, Dana! Although I have not tried sugar in this recipe, I am really pretty sure it would work out just fine. Enjoy!
Waiting for mine in the oven now… I played around with the recipe a bit (half dutch cocoa, coconut flour, and an almond milk/applesauce combo instead of some of the egg… no peanut butter) so I’m hoping it turns out okay!
They taste beyond amazing but I would probably use only half the erythritol next time with half of some other sweetener! There’s a really strong aftertaste to the erythritol which kind of overwhelms the flavor of the brownies
These look amazing, do you think I could subsitute honey for xylitol? Thanks
Hi Tayla! Hmm. My only hesitation is that honey is a liquid and xylitol is not, so you would be messing with the texture of the final product. Honey is also significantly more sweet than xylitol, so you would have to reduce the amount. You could use regular cane sugar in a pinch. Hope this helps!
I made these today! The texture was amazing, soft and moist. The chocolate wasn’t too chocolatey though… I think next time I’ll add some (sugar free) chocolate chips. The peanut butter was amazing though. Definitely what made these low carb brownies perfect!
Thank you so much for making these brownies, Hannah!